A giggle goes a long way

In 2002, a world wide experiment was conducted to find the World’s Funniest Joke. The result?
Here it is. THE funniest joke in the world, 2002 style:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says: “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: “OK, now what?”

I think we can do better. I have pretty funny readers. Tell me a joke to celebrate this here April Fool’s day and I, *NO JOKE* will pick the one that I personally find the funniest and give a prize. It will be something, the prize. Definitely. Something. Most likely? It will be worth winning. But? You have to be patient with that because sometimes I take 4 1/2 years to mail it out. (Well, maybe NOT 4 1/2….) But? You will get it! I promise!


Make me laugh. (does not have to be an original joke).
Deadline, should you accept my challenge: 24 hours from now. 5 pm EST.

Yes, ketchup. It's funny to me. So what??

Yes, ketchup. It's funny to me. So what??

And? This is no joke: A very happy birthday to my wonderful friend, Kim. I am honored to call her my friend. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KIM!!!!  It can’t hurt to mob over there and throw wishes around, right?


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12 Comments

Filed under life, stuff

12 responses to “A giggle goes a long way

  1. I still love that joke.

  2. A music geek joke:

    How do you get two piccolo players to play in tune?

    Shoot one of them.

    xoxo

  3. LOL That’s a good one!

  4. This one is a bit long, more of a story than a joke, and it is way better in person where a dialog starts to take place. And it absolutely has to be told with a straight face. But it’s very appropriate for April 1st. Here goes….

    I was driving down the road the other day, and an ambulance pulled out in front of me. We were driving along, and the ambulance hit a bump in the road. The impact from the bump made the doors in the back of the ambulance swing open, and a small box fell out of the ambulance. The ambulance kept going. I suspect that the driver had no idea what had happened. So I pulled over and retrieved the box.

    (ideally the person hearing the story will ask what was in the box.)

    I carefully opened the box not knowing what would be inside. It turned out to be a toe. I looked up, and saw that the ambulance was already out of sight.

    (most people are getting pretty concerned by now, and will ask what you did).

    So what did I do? I called a toe truck.

    (almost everyone who is listening to this story

  5. I can only remember one joke – one told to me over 20 years ago by my then small children:

    What does Kermit the Frog and John the Baptist have in common?

    ….

    Their middle name.

    I know .. it is really really bad.

    🙂
    Dene

  6. kt

    Ok, I love to tell this one in person, and it’s a bit heretical, but here goes…..

    Jesus is walking through the streets of a small town. People are talking, haggling in the market, playing with children. Jesus notices an old man, sitting away from the townspeople, looking very unhappy. He walks over and sits beside the man, and says, “Why is it that you look so sad, my friend?”

    The old man sighs and answers, “Well, I’m lonely for my son. He went away from here long ago, and I know not where he is.”

    Jesus puts a hand on the man’s shoulder and says, “I understand. I have been separated from my family for many years”. He looks at the old man’s knotted, gnarled hands and asks, kindly, “What is your trade, my friend?”

    The old man’s eyes light up, and his face softens. He tells Jesus, “You wouldn’t knw it to look at me now, but I made many a beautiful and useful item in my time. I learned at my father’s knee. I was a worker of wood.”

    Jesus says, “Oh, my father, too was a wood carver…..”

    They look at each other, questioningly, for a long moment, and Jesus asks, hesitantly, “Father? Is it you?”

    The old man answers, in a shaky voice,……..

    “Pinnochio?”

  7. Mizzle

    One of my favorite jokes:

    A man is driving down the road when, suddenly, he feels a slight bump and knows that he’s hit something.

    Horrified, he stops the car to check what happened and finds a dead hare lying on the road.

    As he’s standing there, feeling very bad about hitting the hare, a woman approaches and stops to ask whether the man needs any help.

    The man explains that he never meant to hit the hare, but he did, and now it’s dead!

    “Wait here!”, the woman says. She walks back to her car, grabs a can of something and sprays it on the hare. The hare gets up and bounces off, turning around every few bounces to wave. Bounce and wave, bounce and wave.

    Puzzled, the man turns to the woman and asks what just happened. “Hare spray,” she says. “Makes your hare bouncy and wavy again!”

  8. My mother told me this one:
    A guy gets a job as a salesman at a door-to-door toothbrush company. Every week, there’s a sales meeting where all the salesmen take turns announcing how many toothbrushes they sold that week. (“I sold 194 toothbrushes this week.” “I sold 371 toothbrushes this week!”) But every week, our guy has to admit that he hasn’t sold any, yet.
    After a few weeks, he’s told by the sales manager that he really has to start selling some product, or they’re going to have to let him go.
    The following week at the sales meeting, he’s squirming and fidgeting, waiting for his turn. Finally, he stands up and tells everyone “I sold 15,349 toothbrushes this week!!” All his fellow salesmen excitedly congratulate him, and the sales manager says “Wow! Great job! How’d you do it?”
    “Well,” he says, “I set up a table at the mall with free cookies. When a person would take a bite of a cookie, they’d say “Yuck! This cookie tastes like shit!”
    “I’d tell them “It IS shit – wanna buy a toothbrush?””

  9. Easy-peasy. As per Monty Python: My dog has no nose. How does he smell? Awful!

  10. Doris

    Judy got married and had 13 children.
    Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer.

    She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children.
    Bob was killed in a car accident 12 years later.

    Judy again, remarried, and this time, she & John had 5 more
    children.

    Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
    Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
    He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
    “Lord, they are finally together.”

    Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret:
    “Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?”

    Margaret replied:
    “I think he means her legs, Ethel….”

    It’s kind of long, but I think it’s really funny!

  11. Well, I’m – as usual – late to this dance, but I’m all for a good joke. My favorite from when I had a joke contest on my blog:

    Where does virgin wool come from?

    Ugggggly sheep.

  12. Missed the deadline, here’s one anyway. What do you call…. oops, never mind, I realize it’s an auditory joke and makes no sense written down. LOL I’m laughing at my own joke.