Tag Archives: pfft

life is funny..(not funny, “haha”)

What I am about to say will be taken, I’m sure, as cold hearted. And it may be. But here goes anyway: I never liked my Father very much. There are many reasons, of which I won’t go into excruciating detail here but suffice it to say that living with an alcoholic, sometimes abusive father doesn’t leave one with many Ward Cleaver moments.
Many young women marry the image of their father. I married the exact and far opposite of my father. My husband is a warm, loving, dependable, non alcoholic man. I can count on him to be here for my lifetime.
I would have been , up to last weekend, hard pressed to find a single thing in my life that was influenced by my father.
Now? The universe has changed for me as it is prone to do in life. My father has been diagnosed with pretty grim lung cancer. Although he is at the beginning of his journey, I fear it will be a short fight. He is a small man, made weaker by the weight loss of recent months and the cancer is pretty large.
While we wait for his appointment parade to come to fruition, I find myself looking at my father in a bit of a different slant of light. He was still a pretty miserable alcoholic, but all of a sudden I can see that my love of cooking has come from his curiosity in the kitchen. He planted that seed. I refused to see it for many a year. I would have sworn to you, last week, that I had sparked that interest on my own.
I think some of my sense of humor was his too. I am remembering a different side to the man that I disliked for so many years.
And I know that perhaps he did the best he could. Sure, it wasn’t the best, it wasn’t what *I* needed but it was what HE had to give. And more important? I am who I am on this day because of the past that I have experienced.
Maybe I’ll be able to find out a little bit more about him in the coming weeks and months.
Should be interesting.

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